That's the Way the Cookie Crumbles

That's the Way the Cookie Crumbles

13 December 2008

Am I mean-spirited? I’ve never thought so… Yet today a mirror (in the form of my hero) was put before my unwitting eyes…

James and I have two terms we use. Neighbor Encounter and Neighbor Sighting. A Neighbor Encounter is when one of us actually sees - and engages in conversation – a person who lives nearby. This is tricky for me because I’m shy with new people and I’m trying hard to not just avoid a potential Neighbor Encounter. A Neighbor Sighting though! Oh, I’m an AVID Neighbor Sighter! This occurs when, through the window (house or car) one of us spots a neighbor outside… I’m very much a people watcher; I always have been. I have a vivid imagination and strangers fit right into that. Neighbors though… They are even better! This isn’t just some chance sighting of a person I’ll never see again. This is a person I can people-watch with impunity for the next decade or three. I’m thinking over time I’ll have imagined an entire life story for each of them. (Although in reality I hope we can become friends with them all and know their real life stories.)

So I was eating lunch with James and of course my chair faces the window… And we have a Neighbor Sighting! Not just any old Neighbor Sighting… It’s our directly-across-from-us neighbor and she’s putting up her Christmas lights. She had one strand already… But she was mostly the only bastion of Grinchy-ness left in our neighborhood. I was dismayed to see her bringing out more strands. She was having so much trouble though. It was like Dinner Theatre to me. I narrated for James and had so much fun. But about halfway through he told me how mean I am. :( And I felt sad. Because I was only trying to be funny. When she flung her arms into the air in the age-old gesture of despair I just couldn’t help but laugh… I’ve never meant to be mean-spirited with anything I’ve said or written, especially about strangers… even about James. I tend to exaggerate things for comic effect. But I would never want to hurt anyone. :( So now I must learn to balance my caustic sense of humor against my faulty good manners…

Next on the agenda was Craft Day at church. My favorite part of this was when Brye thanked me for “keeping it fun.” I’m glad to be building a good relationship Brye and Chelsea. Like I’ve said before, I’m fairly reserved… It’s nice to be able to drop that reserve a bit and be myself.

I went shopping for a Christmas ornament and a tie for Connie’s Christmas party. I went to Beall’s because they wrap gifts there. It’s easy. Then I treated myself to a Sugar-Free Vanilla Iced Coffee from McDonalds. ---You know, Palm Beach County is expensive. Walt always says so... And that's true. I have Sugar-Free Vanilla Ice Coffee down to science. They cost $2.12. So if I have two dollar bills, a dime, and two pennies I get one. (I don't have cash very often, so it really is a treat.) So I pull up to the order speaker, lick my lips, and say, "I'd like a large Sugar-Free Vanilla Iced Coffee." And I think, "I'd like six chicken nuggets." But I don't say that part. And he mutters something, confirming my order I assume since those magic letters popped up on the screen... And the only discernible thing he says is $2.22. What? An extra dime? Why? Does he realize that now I have to break another dollar bill and that he's cutting way in on my coffee allowance? And you know what, that coffee wasn't well stirred either!

Christmas Party at Connie's... The annual tradition... Bring an ornament, a tie, and 3 dozen cookies. Now an ornament, I can do. A tie, I can do. Right now... Cookies, I can't do. It would be masochistic on so many levels... Unpacking cookie sheets. Shopping for ingredients. Grocery shopping in any way whatsoever. Mixing the dough. Handling the chocolate chips. Not licking the spoon. Smelling them cook. Throwing away the one that sticks to the pan instead eating it to 'make sure they taste good.' I'm no saint and I've fallen off the diet wagon a few times recently. I can't face this down. So I abstain. I remember that we had left-over cookies last year... So I merely hope I'm not shunned forever for failing to bring cookies. I find out when I get there I was supposed to bring a beverage too. Oh well. I can't win.

Connie’s Christmas party was so much fun! The food was good. Lots of people were there. Jane and I wore our Santa hats and were so cute. Jane, Ron, James, and I sang our part “And a partridge in a pear tree” with gusto during Tillman’s Twelve Days of Christmas. (I don’t know if that’s what it is really called but that’s what Jane and I call it.) I get the feeling Sandy would have voted Tillman and James McDowell off the show if it really had been American Idol. I got a cute set of ornament photo frames. James got Jimmy’s autographed Duct Tape Tie. A great time was had by all. I guess the only difficult part was when I looked at Ron's food. Not that there's a problem with Ron's food. All the food looked great and Ron's a pretty healthy eater. But one lone Cookie of Glory was there beside his plate. White chocolate covered ritz crackers with peanut butter... and sprinkles on the top. All the rest I could have handled, but the sprinkles almost pushed me over the edge. This is the classic Christmas cookie my mom and I would make and devour each year. Then he bit into it and turned it around to show Jane what the inside of the cookie looked like... and the peanut butter looked so creamy. And there were little crumbs of ritz cracker. And the sprinkles were practically calling my name.... "Leastuart Mayo, Come to us! One won't hurt... Come to the Dark Side..." Agghhhggg! And that's why I didn't bring cookies to the party.