The Day of a Thousand Leaks (and other misadventures)

The Day of a Thousand Leaks (and other misadventures)
2 December 2008

The sun crept over the horizon lighting a crisp (54degree) Florida morning. Sandy’s and Tillman’s house must be full of positive energy. I awoke serene and ready to start the day… the first official day of renovation. The heron was back on the lawn again. I guess that’s where he roosts. And I thought to myself how nice it would be to have a morning view of my own like that some day. My own wildlife will consist of the dozen or so squirrels I hope to lure into the back yard. Jane will find this amusing since I loathe Wrigley’s toy squirrel. So the day began auspiciously enough with a heron sighting and a bowl of Total with one-day-expired milk. And a Dt. Coke, of course…. Because Lea’s day never begins without a Dt. Coke. We arrived at our house with visions of washer, dryer, and water dancing in our heads. (i.e. Sears was scheduled to deliver my two favorite appliances and Martin County Utility was schedule to deliver that most sought after commodity – access to water.) Besides that, our goals included tasks in the guest bathroom: ripping out the old tile, removing the old vanity and horrible mirror, removing the medicine cabinet, painting, laying the new tile, and installing the new vanity and mirror. I dropped James off and left. :) I went back to our apartment to pick up some things (like James’ toolbox and drill) and went to church to pick up some things (like James’ sermon and some tools out of Tillman’s “office” *shudder shudder*) I called Sears to check on my appliances of glory, because oddly enough I didn’t receive EITHER of the two promised confirmation calls. As it turned out, it was noon and the window of delivery was 11AM-1PM. Convenient. I arrived at our house just in time to see the Sears truck arrive. My chariot! Bringing my masterpieces! Ahhhh… I’ll never forget that first glimpse of them… How their silver trim glistened in the sunlight as the cardboard fell away. Then: through the gate, BumpBumpBump over the terribly uneven pavers, and into the back door. Then with a ClickClick my darlings were stacked and *cough cough* ready to wash! Woohoo! Except… side-by-side washer dryer placement was ALL the rage in 1978… So the dryer outlet was too far from the water hook-ups. Lowes to the rescue with an inexpensive connector. Economically and environmentally friendly are we! We used the hoses from the ancient washer and the hoses from new washer together to form one long hose. $4 will solve ALL my appliance disasters!
While I was gone, my hero James removed the old medicine cabinet, mirror, vanity, and removed the old tile. He pretty much destroyed the drywall of two walls… and told me it was my job to fix that… Still, I think it was a pretty good bargain. We’re hoping a broken mirror doesn’t really bring bad luck since that was pretty much the first thing to happen during the guest bathroom renovation. Are we doomed? This is about the time we discover leaks #1 and #2. Both shut-off valves under the bathroom sink leak - - lovely. While I’m hiding – I mean – While I’m fulfilling portrait orders that have already been waiting several days, James is removing the old toilet. Yeah, the one with no tank lid. Well, I mean, yes… the one with the makeshift lid constructed of an old piece of paneling. But let’s not talk about that. This is when leak #3 emerges… by far the worst leak of the day. In fact, even as I write this I can hear the plink plink plink of water on aluminum – James’ makeshift drainage system.
Somewhere in the midst of all this my hero found time to remove the old broken light from the front porch and install my new one (clearanced to $13 from $60 at Lowes.) And it looks amazingly wonderful. We put in a high efficiency bulb and stand back in the driveway to admire it. I think that’s the moment when I thought – Wow. We own this house.
The kitchen light wasn’t so easy. This was probably the biggest surprise of the day. When the very old, very huge, very square vintage 1970s light fixture came down… We discovered that there was no outlet box (holding the wires.) Not only that, there was no stud holding the light fixture! It clung there for 30 years by two screws and some drywall! 30 years! Yet, I had the feeling of having escaped death by light fixture. Because a light fixture falling on my head is NOT the way I want to go. As Brye and I decided, death by Dt. Coke is definitely the preferred way to go.
So, to Lowes, where we purchase our first ever lumber. *shudder shudder* I even hate to go to that side of the store, but we did… and we shopped… and we purchased… and we even fit it in the car. Yes, James is the master packer when it comes to fitting things in cars that don’t really go in cars. (And yes, Jane, he does intend to come to your house and put the lawn mower in the trunk.) So anyway, these 2x4s will brace our very new, very sleek, very awesome light fixture (that works.) And we bought an outlet box to house the wires. I also, during a phone consultation with good old Dad, chose spackle, putty knives, and patch material for James’ Drywall Disaster ® in the guest bathroom (as well as the door knob shaped hole behind each door in our house.)
About this time we remember we didn’t bring our sheets from our apartment yet. (It’s about 10PM.) But fortunately we unpack a brand new set we purchased at Linens and Things when they had sheets half-price. And fortunately we have a brand new washer and dryer combo that’s just dying to be tried out! And fortunately the Sears people stacked them and SAID they were ready. And fortunately James rigged the hoses with $4 in weird connectors. So all’s well, right? Except that, oddly enough, the hole for the dryer hose wasn’t big enough. So, shivering in the cold and wielding a flashlight and assorted tools, my hero braves the night (and the stucco) and enlarges the hole and fixes it all. (Though it took a while… And I was sleepy… And I just wanted to wash my sheets and dry my sheets and take a shower and go to bed!) But there’s no hot water! Why? Because there’s some strange timing contraption on the hot water heater that we didn’t really understand (and I STILL don’t!) But that’s ok. Because James fixed it and the water is heating as I type. And sitting transfixed before my glorious washer as it cleansed that first load of laundry… Ahhh… I’m in love. And forever thankful to Tide because of the free sample that comes with every high efficiency washer. Otherwise, I’d not have any clean sheets to sleep on tonight and I might not ever get to sleep again. (At least, I might have to go to Wal-Mart to get detergent and that would make me very grumpy.) It’s about this time that we discover leak #4 which is, you guessed it, the washing machine shut-off valves. This was the simplest leak of the day because it only required tightening them a bit.
Just now James came into my office and said, “Boy, you’ve gotta get a light in here!” (Because no, oddly enough, though I have a switch, I have no light.) And then he said, “We can move the light from the guest room to this room. It’ll be easy.” Which it theoretically would be except that the switch I have doesn’t control that light, or any light, and there’s no switch in the guest bedroom at all. So we have one room with a light and no switch and one room with a switch and no light. Strange, strange people lived here before us…
So anyway, if we review the day we realize that not very many of our goals got accomplished, but it still felt like a good day’s work. I’m looking forward to tomorrow and all the tomorrows to come.